Did you ever want to achieve 'Big Things'? I've seen books that have phrases to do with 'thinking big' and living your 'best life' by boldly striding upon the earth with focus, purpose and some kind of grand plan. I do rather enjoy imagining myself in that way. I envision waking up with boundless energy, doing some kind of exercise, eating the right food and changing the world with her incredible generosity and intelligence. Sometimes that's how it goes. Sometimes 'big thinking' or a grand plan have been implemented and had reasonably good results. Sometimes.
If sometimes pays attention to details, they are diligent. If someone is small-minded, they're petty. The English language can be a real mind-fuck.
Since I have the 'luxury' of unemployment at this current time, you'd think I'd be getting a lot done. Nope. Not really. Should I be questioning what 'a lot' is?
The 'lot' I'd like to get done is:
- Writing my book/s (3 started)
- Finishing my paintings (about 5 started)
- Making jewelry
- Creating a course to teach/share visualization and basic yoga/movement
- Finding work that has meaning and pays a reasonable amount
- Continuing to sell stuff I don't need
- Helping my mum declutter
- Be an excellent partner to the man I love
- Be a good friend
- Get fit and healthy
- Grow vegetables (the herbs are doing well)
- Continue to go kayaking for as long as possible (weather)
When I look at that list, it makes me realise that I do work on some of these consistently every week, and then I have 'bursts' of activity on some of the other things. Maybe I'm not as flobberty as I thought. Maybe working consistently and in small ways is okay. It's possible that thinking fairly small isn't such a bad thing. If you are struggling with finding purpose or 'thinking big', then take a step back and give yourself permission to think small.
Small things matter. It might be hearing the song of a Tui, or the blush of pink in the centre of a white rose. That bird, that flower or the shell you find on the beach. Small, but very important.
If you are depressed or lacking energy it can be very difficult to reach out to others. It might be the last thing you feel like doing, especially if you have been let down by people in the past. You might prefer to call a help line (I worked for one and I've also called one before). If you do decide to call a help line, bear in mind that you might strike someone who doesn't quite 'get it' and if that's the case you can always (politely) say goodbye and ask if you could please speak to someone else. If they refuse, call another line.
When I worked for Helpline a few years ago, I had a colleague who wouldn't speak to anyone. It was quite disconcerting to say hello to someone who would do their best to ignore me. He would speak to the people who rang in a way that made me feel cold. I used to think "fuck, I'd feel more depressed if I rang and spoke with him."
I mention that because if you do end up talking to someone who you don't click with, don't give up.
I digress! Thinking small usually infers limitation, and perhaps some limitations are okay in this context. Limitations can be about directing how your life unfolds. A limitation doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can be a boundary, and god knows, those can be pretty useful.
So here's to the little things. The small. The tiny. The miniscule. How beautiful.
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