We're Probably Related

Lisa, my half sister, handed me a thick, hand bound book. The cover reads "Nga O Te Wa, Tides of Time - Cpt. J. J. Stanaway'. It's strange to not know about most of your ancestry and then to be handed something so .... substantial.

The first page is promising as it describes Captain John James Stanaway as leaving England 'under a cloud', possibly due to 'killing a gentleman in a duel who had insulted his sister at a ball'. When I read that, I wondered what kind of insult might lead a man to murder someone.

https://johnjamesstanaway.com/

John James (JJ) is (I think) my great, great, great grandfather on my father's mother's side. I am in touch with my biological father, building up a friendship and enjoying getting closer to my sister Lisa. We are also in contact with our sister Raelene, and I had a quick chat with my brother David earlier this year. These are all half siblings of course. My biological father was no Captain, but he certainly sailed the seas of excess passions in his youth.

When I look at my ancestry I wonder what it was like for the women. JJ Stanaway looks like a really stuffy old white man, thin of lip and bearing a strange beard that must have been fashionable at the time. Despite this, the man sure did put it about and perhaps posessed some charm.

He married four or five times and the fifth and youngest wife is most likely to be our ancestor. This led to the existence of my grandmother Diana Stanaway (who became a Ross when she married Archibald). Yes, my Grandmother was Diana Ross. She died a long time ago, when my father was a child of seven. From what I understand, she was unwell and took her own life. I have put that as delicately as possible, stories and memories of each person often conflict. My father told me that after his mother died he went back to the empty house and saw her ghost. I like to think that she kept an eye out for him, her wild and sad little boy.

When JJ bought his first wife to New Zealand in 1843/44, the poor woman gave birth to a daughter (Mary Ann) and died a few days later. She was buried at sea. This is all that is known of her, the nameless first wife, bones in the pacific. 

John James, you put it about Sir.

JJ didn't waste time (I don't think anyone did back then). He found a Maori woman to look after his baby girl, and her name was Witaperene, who was known as  'Black Ann'. It's shudderingly inappropriate now, calling her that. I felt embarassed reading it.

Witaperne was born in 1821. Imagine that. I know that it was a different time, a different world, but how strange it must have been. Can you put yourself in her shoes?

Your name is Witaperene and your mother Harihura Minarapa who hailed from the Gisborne area. Your father is a Chief of Ngatiwhatua, Mohi Te Hokaanga 11. 

Now watch Witaperene, you will go and care for the white baby of this white man, and then soon he will slip into your bed, pale as a hungry ghost. In my mind, I see it like a movie:  'Oh Black Ann', he will cry, as he buries his strange beard in your shoulder, and soon enough you are wife number two. What did you think of that Witaperene? Did you get to have a voice?

Well you do a quick search for Witaperene and it says that she died at the age of 23.  It's seems that she may have drowned and was possibly buried in Dargaville. Witaperene had a younger half sister called Henipapa (born 1823) who was helping her care for the children.

Oh Captain, is your bed cold so quickly? Must you crawl in to Henipapa's arms even as she grieves the loss of her sister? I am sorry if I am reading you wrong Sir, but it seems that Witaperene gave birth to her sons in 1843/44 and 1844/45 and then our girl Henipapa gave birth to her first child in 1845. You may have been rushing things somewhat. 

Wait now - the stories are conflicting. Did Witaperene not drown at all? In this heavy tome to my left, it says that Witaperene and Henipapa were cared for by Henipapa's Granddaughter (Erina Samuels) until they died in Dargaville in 1905. Oh I hope that is the case. They had each other. Can you imagine it? "Well girl," Witaperene might say as they sat having a cup of tea, "we don't have to feel that damn beard any more!". Well, it's unlikely they had that conversation, but you can imagine it can't you?

What happened JJ? Did you tire of your Maori wives? Did they tire of you? I can't read these things without my female bias. My assumption about what had to be done to survive Colonialism and the power of men.

Some where between 1852 and 1855 on one of 'his many journeys to England' he picked up another wife (like a coat?) and had two more sons. She and the sons stayed in England. What became of her, this wife left in England to raise her sons while her randy husband hot-tailed it back to Aotearoa to become a harbour pilot for the Port of Kaipara. Much is made of his accomplishments. Lots of gadding about with sea-related stuff. He certainly was a busy man. Then there it is, the fifth and final wife.

Sarah Ann Clark is described as a young girl. Not a young woman. A girl of 18. According to a history of  JJ Stanaway she is credited as being the fourth wife rather than the fifth. Did Henipapa not count or was the abandoned English wife left out? He was 46 when they married and she had seven children by him. 

He is described as being kindly and that she had to be 'reasonably happy' with him (the evidence was apparently in the bearing of the children). Well that would be nice - but I don't know that I buy it. Doesn't sound like much of a choice really. I'm sure she made the best of it, that is just what one did after all. This sort of arrangement wasn't unusual. I'm sure he was considered a catch. 

Wait now, I am being hasty and judging the man. If you read another account you'll see that Sarah already had a child when she was 18 and then married JJ at the age of 21. A child 'out of wedlock' was a big deal even when my mum got pregnant with me in 1970. Imagine the stigma in 1858.

Sarah married again and became Sanders when JJ died. She had more children. Dargaville is full of us, overflowing with the seed of Stanaway but bearing every kind of name imaginable. I've never been to Dargaville, but when I do, I will walk where so many of my ancestors have walked. 

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  Sarah Annie Stanaway (nee Clark)

I didn't know which wife was my ancestor when I first started looking at this information. I guessed it was one of the Maori women, because we have many relatives in Dargaville, and that is where my Grandfather Archie met his beloved Diana. 

Grandfather Archie is of Maori and Scottish descent and so I assumed he may have married a 'half caste'. That term was still around when I was growing up. It was said with no self consciousness but now is considered really inappropriate.

I found out that it is likely that the very young Sarah was my ancestor. In the photocopy provided, she has a slightly amused look on her face. As she got older, the amusement faded. I wonder what she was like? I don't know if you had the luxury to find out if you were busy producing that many children. Even keeping up with the washing must have been a full time job.

I must be walking past people I'm related to every day. If I look at the ancestors of JJ, it boggles the mind. So many names. Think of all the secrets and sorrows in this one family alone. It's like digging down into the rock and there are so many layers you realise you need a high powered drill.

I have no children and so looking into this is more for the children of my sister Lisa Ross. I didn't think knowing more about my ancestry would make any difference to how I feel, but it does. I know it doesn't define me, and that I create who I am each day, but it helps to understand the journey my blood has travelled. Rivers and rivers of it. Or possibly oceans!

Many of the lines are incomplete due to things like many of my biological father's children (at least 14) being adopted out. This may be the case for many of us. 

So, if you are related to JJ, congratulations. We're whanau!