March 4th 2020, Wednesday.
Excuse me. I feel agitated. A very nice lady with pink and purple eyeshadow struck up a conversation with me in the supermarket. It was a bit odd, she sort of leapt into my path and said something about eating nuts and longevity. I could have made an inappropriate remark but didn't; instead I chose to be open to her friendliness, wondering if she was perhaps a bit lonely. Soon it seemed more like she was about to promote a nut themed cookbook or some kind of multi-level marketing scheme. Then when she mentioned that she got a health tip from one of those Christian programmes on TV I knew what was coming.
I knew what was coming and I didn't make a getaway. This is why I'm agitated. I wasn't faithful to my own instinct. This lady was so enthusiastic about nuts and smoothies, I figured that it wouldn't hurt to connect with her and be accepting. Well, it depends on what you mean by 'hurt'. As the conversation turned from smoothies to Jesus, I could feel my face smiling beyond what was natural. I knew what it was like to be the Christian lurking around trying to sell Jesus along with all the nuts, and I've come a long way since then.
When I said to her that I used to be a hard-out Christian but it was no longer the label I would give myself, she wasn't deterred. I didn't make matters easier for myself as I said that I still liked Jesus a lot. How could I explain that I didn't think of Jesus as a ghostly being who hung out with me? What I like or love is that this was a man who stood up for his ideals, a man who was incredibly inspiring and spiritually gifted, someone who was doing his best to explain how we were all part of the great tapestry that is 'god'. He stood up for the weak, the poor and those who were judged harshly such as prostitutes or the woman who had committed adultery.
I think it's possible that he performed miracles, but I don't know if his death was supposed to highlight the 'sins' of others. That seems more like the invention of people in power who wanted to keep the plebs in place. Alternatively, I sometimes think that if this was Jesus' authentic expression of love, that he really did willingly die/fall into a coma for three days, then that's not meant to be a guilt trip for all of humanity. I quite like a cross these days. I see them more as a reminder of what the whole trinity was about - the experience of being human (Jesus), our connection to a higher power (holy spirit) and then the source from which we all came and will return to (god/universe).
I didn't mind talking with the Christian for about 10 minutes, and then as she followed me around the supermarket the resentment started to kick in. I had things I wanted to get done in my day. Secondly, I wasn't completely honest with her but I considered it. When she talked about praying for a sick woman I had to do my best not to glaze over. I too had prayed for many sick women when I was a Christian, and I too had asked the spirit of heaviness to leave. I reminded myself to become present and to truly see her and be there for her. She needed to talk about this stuff, it made her feel worthwhile. When she said she asked negative forces to leave the sick woman, I replied that sometimes if we set up a 'fight' within ourselves then it can make us even more stuck. Sort of like the 'war on drugs' - not that I mentioned that example to her.
If we are kinder to ourselves, we can observe the painful feelings (whether physical, mental or emotional) and be gentle. For example, instead of saying 'I'm so useless' and being immersed in that feeling, I can say it and then kindly question it. So, you feel useless? Why? Well, I should have X, and I should be doing Y, and I haven't done Y and I don't know if I'll ever get to Z! Oh okay, so does that really mean you're useless? Have you done ANYTHING useful in your life? Of course you have. Keep on inquiring. Be curious and loving in this inquiry and imagine you are speaking with a child. If a child said they were useless you wouldn't agree (unless you're an arse-hole). You'd find a way to gently check out where this is coming from and how to re frame it or transform it.
In some Christian groups, a focus on Satan or demon possession is quite popular. I don't know if this lady was into that, but I had it in mind as I shared my perspective. She got excited and produced a small book with the word 'blessings' in the title. She said the author also focused on this kinder way of speaking to yourself. I politely declined the book and tried to look at the free range chickens.
If I were completely honest with her I don't think it would have helped her at this point. Instead, I chose to focus on something that has worked well for me, and can work well for someone whether they are a Christian or not. I suppose I could have said "Joy, you are a lovely woman with great eye shadow, but I feel like I've had enough talk regarding Jesus and I want to finish my shopping now."
Yes, that's what I 'll do if it happens again. I wasn't prepared. I'm good with Jehovah's Witnesses' as I just say 'thanks, but no thanks' and shut the door. I wasn't prepared for a nut speech followed by a sneaky bit of evangelizing in the aisles of the supermarket.
I forgot that just because I'm friendly for no particular reason that the same doesn't necessarily follow for others. That lady might have been a bit annoying and taken up more of my time than I wanted - but she has helped me clarify more about why it's so hard to stop someone like her. She seemed nice. She seemed well-meaning. She had damn good eye shadow.
Excuse me. I feel agitated. A very nice lady with pink and purple eyeshadow struck up a conversation with me in the supermarket. It was a bit odd, she sort of leapt into my path and said something about eating nuts and longevity. I could have made an inappropriate remark but didn't; instead I chose to be open to her friendliness, wondering if she was perhaps a bit lonely. Soon it seemed more like she was about to promote a nut themed cookbook or some kind of multi-level marketing scheme. Then when she mentioned that she got a health tip from one of those Christian programmes on TV I knew what was coming.
I knew what was coming and I didn't make a getaway. This is why I'm agitated. I wasn't faithful to my own instinct. This lady was so enthusiastic about nuts and smoothies, I figured that it wouldn't hurt to connect with her and be accepting. Well, it depends on what you mean by 'hurt'. As the conversation turned from smoothies to Jesus, I could feel my face smiling beyond what was natural. I knew what it was like to be the Christian lurking around trying to sell Jesus along with all the nuts, and I've come a long way since then.
When I said to her that I used to be a hard-out Christian but it was no longer the label I would give myself, she wasn't deterred. I didn't make matters easier for myself as I said that I still liked Jesus a lot. How could I explain that I didn't think of Jesus as a ghostly being who hung out with me? What I like or love is that this was a man who stood up for his ideals, a man who was incredibly inspiring and spiritually gifted, someone who was doing his best to explain how we were all part of the great tapestry that is 'god'. He stood up for the weak, the poor and those who were judged harshly such as prostitutes or the woman who had committed adultery.
I think it's possible that he performed miracles, but I don't know if his death was supposed to highlight the 'sins' of others. That seems more like the invention of people in power who wanted to keep the plebs in place. Alternatively, I sometimes think that if this was Jesus' authentic expression of love, that he really did willingly die/fall into a coma for three days, then that's not meant to be a guilt trip for all of humanity. I quite like a cross these days. I see them more as a reminder of what the whole trinity was about - the experience of being human (Jesus), our connection to a higher power (holy spirit) and then the source from which we all came and will return to (god/universe).
I didn't mind talking with the Christian for about 10 minutes, and then as she followed me around the supermarket the resentment started to kick in. I had things I wanted to get done in my day. Secondly, I wasn't completely honest with her but I considered it. When she talked about praying for a sick woman I had to do my best not to glaze over. I too had prayed for many sick women when I was a Christian, and I too had asked the spirit of heaviness to leave. I reminded myself to become present and to truly see her and be there for her. She needed to talk about this stuff, it made her feel worthwhile. When she said she asked negative forces to leave the sick woman, I replied that sometimes if we set up a 'fight' within ourselves then it can make us even more stuck. Sort of like the 'war on drugs' - not that I mentioned that example to her.
If we are kinder to ourselves, we can observe the painful feelings (whether physical, mental or emotional) and be gentle. For example, instead of saying 'I'm so useless' and being immersed in that feeling, I can say it and then kindly question it. So, you feel useless? Why? Well, I should have X, and I should be doing Y, and I haven't done Y and I don't know if I'll ever get to Z! Oh okay, so does that really mean you're useless? Have you done ANYTHING useful in your life? Of course you have. Keep on inquiring. Be curious and loving in this inquiry and imagine you are speaking with a child. If a child said they were useless you wouldn't agree (unless you're an arse-hole). You'd find a way to gently check out where this is coming from and how to re frame it or transform it.
In some Christian groups, a focus on Satan or demon possession is quite popular. I don't know if this lady was into that, but I had it in mind as I shared my perspective. She got excited and produced a small book with the word 'blessings' in the title. She said the author also focused on this kinder way of speaking to yourself. I politely declined the book and tried to look at the free range chickens.
If I were completely honest with her I don't think it would have helped her at this point. Instead, I chose to focus on something that has worked well for me, and can work well for someone whether they are a Christian or not. I suppose I could have said "Joy, you are a lovely woman with great eye shadow, but I feel like I've had enough talk regarding Jesus and I want to finish my shopping now."
Yes, that's what I 'll do if it happens again. I wasn't prepared. I'm good with Jehovah's Witnesses' as I just say 'thanks, but no thanks' and shut the door. I wasn't prepared for a nut speech followed by a sneaky bit of evangelizing in the aisles of the supermarket.
I forgot that just because I'm friendly for no particular reason that the same doesn't necessarily follow for others. That lady might have been a bit annoying and taken up more of my time than I wanted - but she has helped me clarify more about why it's so hard to stop someone like her. She seemed nice. She seemed well-meaning. She had damn good eye shadow.
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