The Hunger and The Hunt

Are you trying to get your shit together? Losing weight? Reducing consumption? Drinking less? Whatever it may be, I've heard that you're meant to find something that can replace the compulsion towards an unhealthy choice.

So you focus on all the delicious and healthy things you CAN eat, you enjoy choosing and buying only what you truly love or need, you decide to do a few cartwheels and a light moosh of yoga instead of slurping on wine or doughnuts.

It takes a fair bit to push past hump weeks, or hump months, or maybe even hump years depending on so many variables. You might have a partner who loves to get KFC, or a friend who enjoys bringing cake (I wish I did have a friend who would bring me chocolate cake, god that would be nice!) - or it might be that you are depressed.

Depression is a funny old sausage isn't it? Some people live with it's pervasive and debilitating effects for most of their lives, others can have a period of time where they are unwell and then recover, but always need to have a sanity plan on hand.

What is your sanity plan? Even if you aren't depressed, you might just be really tired and feel like you've lost your mojo. For me it's about identifying the hunger and the hunt. If I ever have a shop maybe that's what I'll call it Hunt and Hunger!

My main issues have been my health and also my tendency to have too much stuff in a small space. Yes, that's probably called hoarding. These are the two things that I've found really challenging for more than two years now.

The hunger - to be comforted and understood. Most of my life I've enjoyed food and can indulge quite regularly , but I walked and moved enough to keep a reasonable balance.
 About two years ago I ended up with metatarsalgia (fancy way to say fucked feet). My feet seize up in the night like claws, during the day they sometimes burn or feel freezing cold, and on other days the entire bottom of the sole feels deeply bruised.

Walking or exercising was now really difficult and pain from an old injury to my pelvis also flared up. When this all first came on I was working part time as a care-giver and the duties were all non-stop physical in nature. I was moving a lot and for the last six months I was in so much pain that I cried nearly every day. I was exhausted. I would nearly fall asleep at the wheel of the car on my way to work.

I stopped this job and the doctor who first glanced at my feet said it was Arthritis - but it didn't seem to act like Arthur Rightus.  I stopped moving and I kept on eating what I like to eat. I am now
10kg more than I am used to being. I kept thinking it would just eventually go away ... and I've tried to eat less and still go for walks yet the pain is still a massive issue.

A few months ago I started Aqua Jogging! Old Lady Alert! I always thought 'that looks really boring'; but it isn't. I sometimes sing little songs as I aqua jog along my way, the water holding me and loving me even more than a sourdough loaf. Yesterday I was shown my programme for using the gym - I deliberately asked for a manageable 30 minutes of exercise that I can then follow with the Aqua Jogging. He tried to get me to do sit ups on a Swiss ball. Ha ha ha ha!

I can feel a shift. It's the hunger in my body and soul to feel good again. I don't feel terrible every day, but the pain is not helped by gaining weight. I am now feeding the hunger to feel good - and it's slow going but it is bloody well going!

The hunt is in regard to my love of op shopping. I have reduced heavily in the last three years, but sometimes I find that I want to go and look for 'fun'. I don't know if I can ever give that up - I love THE HUNT! I know that the hunt can be fulfilled through other creative means, so now I'm making time for those projects. I have one called my Nature Doll Project - photos of dolls being spiritual or communing with nature - a collision of plastic and purity. That's the hunt fulfilled - taking photos and finding something that no one else may have seen.

What can fulfill your hunger? I love being in water, so knowing I get to have a spa and be in the pool after a 30 minute work out is a great reward.
What might get you hunting for something more than a purchase?

Happy hunting! Candice x