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| Me and Bonnie Dogstar |
So it's the end of an 18 month era working as a care assistant to The Bird. Healers were always telling me to 'get grounded' and I imagined that working for Amy would qualify. I think the missing factor in that vague kind of 'healing advice' is that most people don't even know what 'grounded' really means.
I have been told to 'walk on the wet grass with bare feet'. Now that's fine, and when it isn't freezing cold I am happy to do so, only I can't say I noticed a massive improvement in my ability to pull my head out of the clouds.
The word 'grounded' conjures up images of surly teens who are caught 'smoking pot' in an American sitcom. I was never 'naughty girl' grounded. Not once. As far as 'grounding' goes, I now have a better feel for it. Learning to be a Yoga teacher, interestingly enough, is what it has taken for me. The Contemporary Yoga Studies course (Auckland, NZ) I'm doing has an approach to movement and breath that has quietly amazed me. It's bought me back to dance, and of course, dance means I have to be here in my body. On the ground.
Anyway, 18 months 'care giving' (sounds so 'nice') was challenging. I can't really explain why. Bird is strong, intelligent and independent. When I was tired people assumed I had a lot of lifting to do, but Bird is able to transfer from her wheelchair to another chair or her bed (supervision required). I found that I was always anticipating something. In terms of the energy expended it reminded me of nannying for a four month old baby. I'm not saying Bird was like a baby, but that my reaction and level of exhaustion was similar. An old injury really started to play up and sciatica kicked in with a vengeance. I stayed six months longer than my body (or mind) could really take as I didn't want to let anyone down. She now has a lovely (very young) care assistant.
The best things about the job:
I loved connecting with Bird each morning in regard to goal setting and inspiration. Much of my role involved mundane but necessary tasks, so an opportunity to talk about what either of us dreamed of was really satisfying.
Her dogs, Bonnie and Mary, are absolutely gorgeous. I love dogs, and yet what I realise about them is this: it's like looking after a three year old that can run much faster than you, one that might just enjoy running away and eating shit. Bonnie was the shit eater and yet I adored her. Mary was the 'obvious' love with her resemblance to the luck dragon in 'The Never ending Story'. Check them out on a day that I took them to Milford beach for a walk. It was pouring with rain but they could hardly wait to get outside!
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| Death and Desire? I'm looking forward to the second part of my yoga course even though I've been really slack with my home practice. I'm so dithery and end up putting on music and dancing instead, or sort of moving my shoulders around and making coffee (as if that were yoga). Bird also has a gorgeous turtle that loved it when I dug up live worms for him! He knew I was me and would start snapping his little turtle mouth when I came into the room. Cleaning his tank always felt like a big hassle to begin with and yet as the process unfolded I would feel like it was an active meditation. |
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| The Bird throws the toy for Mary Dog
Men: I love men and I just don't get them at all. I surrender.
It's up to the angelic forces to deal with it. The last three men I've been dating were all sexy, interesting, older and employed.
There was always some weird thing with communication though. So if that's my mirror, I don't know what to do with the reflection. A friend (another neighbour) said that if the same thing is coming up that it might just be the men I'm picking and to go for different ones. I thought I already had!
The Merman admitted he was terrified of commitment and didn't like to make plans ahead of time; he liked things to unfold as if by magic. I asked if that worked for his job but he avoided the question. I joked around with him by asking if he wanted to meet up with me in space at no particular time if it was meant to be, but he didn't say anything funny or playful back to that one. Hard to develop something with someone who is too scared to plan anything (and I mean the next date, not a fucking engagement party).
Then there was Simply Sexy. He was old but hot, uneducated, intelligent, funny and with some dubious taste in music (Simply Red) . He called himself a Christian but didn't have a particular brand and admitted he was shallow when it came to his taste in women. I should have listened to that. As mum always says, if someone tells you what they are, believe them.
The latest was Music Man. Wow. I have never met anyone with such good taste in music (some of which was a bit harder and weirder than my own tastes, but I appreciate that). He was also hot and loves the sea. Surely this has to be perfect? Sadly, communication sucked. Or did it? Lack of communication is still communication isn't it? He said he thought I was amazing, but he didn't behave as if I were amazing. I wonder what amazing means to each person? Amazing to one person is a really incredible sunset, and for another it's a well made hamburger. What about a well made hamburger while watching an incredible sunset? Divine.
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