Atheists and Angels: 10th July 2015
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| Labradoodles ruling Birkenhead, okay? |
I’ve had this thing I’ve been saying for years. It gives
me a kick and no one ever knows what the hell I’m on about. When an atheist
says “I’m an atheist,” I reply, “I know what you mean! I believe in everything …
which is sort of like believing in nothing.”
This doesn’t get the ‘oh yeahhh’
response you’d imagine, and I end up not doing too good a job of explaining
what I mean. I say things like ‘because angels and mermaids, why not? And if
reincarnation doesn’t exist, it doesn’t even matter!’
Nothing we perceive is
particularly reliable anyway, and what if mermaids were microscopic? I heard
something I really liked from an Esther Hicks (Abraham) talk I found on Youtube
a few weeks ago. She was pointing out how everyone gets into their past lives,
but it’s rare that anyone is chomping at the bit to discover a future life.
That really cracked me up. I have checked out some of my past lives.
These are
the majority: I’ve been a practical and loveless farmer’s wife (cold mother who
awoke to what mattered on the death bed), a farmer’s mistress at the age of 14
(he was in his forties, there’s quite a bit on this one, but now isn’t the
time), a sexy bastardly Spanish man who tamed horses in America, a Dutch girl
who emigrated to NZ and married a farmer, a Doctor in Virginia, USA, who
performed safe but illegal abortions (usually for black girls who had been
raped; he was upset about this) and a nun who felt really guilty about feeling
sexual and would punish herself by pressing her back into a board with nails
sticking out of it. Eek!
I haven’t recorded half of these properly, yet I do
wonder if the time frames would even work out in terms of when I lived as these
other incarnations. I don’t feel attached to any of these stories, yet when I ‘witnessed’
them, I did experience a feeling of compassion and sometimes it was emotional. That
emotion around it dissolved. So why bother? Well I have to say, I bothered
because I am fascinated with myself. No, I’m not a Narcissist (being self-absorbed
is only that, it doesn’t make you a Narcissist). Narcissists don’t really care
about other people (Amy, ‘The Bird’ assured me of this). This desire to ‘know
thyself’ is often destined for frustration though; the knowing is like knowing
the Universe. There is no end to it. I rather like a lot of what Alan Watts has
to say on astrology (I’m a Scorpio, of course I like astrology!).
According to Watts, astrology was a primitive way
to map a person’s soul - “The soul is not inside the body, the body is inside
the soul … the true map of the soul is the picture of the Universe surrounding
the individual. The map of the stars, horoscope etc. was an image of man in the
same way we regard a picture of the human body … your mind is very largely
outside your body … it’s inside too … I can’t think, I can’t have a mind
without seeing, feeling and relating to other people … the mind is a huge
network … mind and matter are of course polar, they go together (like shape and
colour) they are always found together. “ from ‘Reality
and Illusion’
What do you believe? Does it matter? The only reason I
think I indulge in such things is because they’re creative. Creativity is one
of the things that has made life worthwhile, and often it’s about creating
feelings, events and things that make life interesting, beautiful, funny or
entertaining for others. That’s how I like to love.
Oh, I’m doing the Self
Expression and Leadership Programme through Landmark in July (2015). To be honest, I’m sort of shitting myself.
I was all gung ho when I signed up and now I’m scared. I am so glad I did the
Forum and The Advanced Course, yet it’s been massive in terms of pushing myself.
It was so weird how confronted I was immediately by things I was challenging in
terms of old ways of being.
I got to grieve for my (adoptive) father thanks to
another situation that totally provoked my sorrows! Someone has since asked if
I might consider looking for him. I don’t know. He was in hiding due to all the
money he owed for drugs (heroin, oh how very old hat) but that was a long time
ago. He was a builder. Kerry Lewis. Kerin Maurice Lewis. Guess he’d now be 68
years old. I’m also considering contacting my birth father again (also had a heroin life). It might be
nice to catch up with him (it’s been about 18 years).
I went into Landmark at the end of January 2015 saying I
want another job (got it), somewhere nice to live (got it) and to be fitter and
stronger (got it). The biggest ones (I have the most stories and fears around
these) are making more money doing something I love and having a loving,
supportive, respectful, playful, sexual and communicative lasting relationship
with a good man. A good man who looks after himself (nonsmoker, exercises, motivated) and who is up to being loved and loving with great passion and creativity.
I’d like these last two things before the end of this year. The reason I’m
sharing this is to really put it out there and make it clear that I want it to
happen. I’m living into my future life. ;)
Goodnight or good day. Kiss the cat (not passionately),
stroke the leaves, lick the dew, walk the dogs of mind and soul. x What are you living into?
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| Taken at Pt Chevalier when it was still summer with Z. |
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