16 Feb 2015
I'm doing things differently. You know the saying 'the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome'? Well yeah. So I'm challenging my usual responses and behaviours. I'm a reactive person, and I also like to present as being quite strong, when the truth is I'm shit scared a lot of the time. So I'm currently nursing a broken heart (so premature), but recovery won't be the usual. Instead of reading all weekend, over eating and over-analysing I'm going out, playing, dancing around the living room to Alt J, flirting with men and making sure I take care of myself. And sure. I still cry everyday. I miss the person I I was getting to know, it's like a weird nightmare ... but such is life. Bring on the dream.
22nd Feb 2015
I stopped writing and playing the guitar because I lost something of myself somewhere along the way. So now I'm stopping the stopping. I'm back in the swing of it. The swing of it. Like a giant swing suspended in a moment in time, sky high and blue, branches leafing above me. My cousin got back from a week skiing in Japan and tonight she talked to me in her Aquarian way, brown eyes shining. Is she laughing at me or with me? Whatever the case, it works. She looks at me in this way that somehow lifted a burden from me. It was that amazing thing - that what she said was somehow enlivened by a presence deeper and more vibrant than the limitation of language.
I also got to see my other very beautiful young cousin (turned 18!) yesterday. I feel so privileged to have spent some time with her, she's so sensitive and kind. So much more kindness comes my way than cruelty, but it can be tempting to focus on the cruelty and fall into patterns of fear. Here comes the Fearless place ... taking up all the negative space ...
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| My Cousin's Feet (left) and mine. That's the sky. |
22nd Feb 2015
I stopped writing and playing the guitar because I lost something of myself somewhere along the way. So now I'm stopping the stopping. I'm back in the swing of it. The swing of it. Like a giant swing suspended in a moment in time, sky high and blue, branches leafing above me. My cousin got back from a week skiing in Japan and tonight she talked to me in her Aquarian way, brown eyes shining. Is she laughing at me or with me? Whatever the case, it works. She looks at me in this way that somehow lifted a burden from me. It was that amazing thing - that what she said was somehow enlivened by a presence deeper and more vibrant than the limitation of language.
I also got to see my other very beautiful young cousin (turned 18!) yesterday. I feel so privileged to have spent some time with her, she's so sensitive and kind. So much more kindness comes my way than cruelty, but it can be tempting to focus on the cruelty and fall into patterns of fear. Here comes the Fearless place ... taking up all the negative space ...
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